


Harry Potter and the French Baguette

by Bunnies306



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunnies306/pseuds/Bunnies306
Summary: Harry did not want pink hair.But he got it and everyone would pay for it.He would find who did this, eventually.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fan fiction, it does not have very good editing and it's not very long, I do plan on updating it every month or so and my next update will be longer and better edited. This being rated teen and up is only a precaution just in case.

The First time harry ever had accidental magic was when he was five, His Aunt Petunia went to the store to buy ingredients for soup. Uncle Vernon and Dudley were watching T.V and were ignoring Harry  
so Harry was left to do what he wanted, as long as he did not make noise or mess with their stuff or took the food they liked *Some healthy things they get they don't even end up eating, the food just ends up laying in the fridge and rots*  
Harry thought while going into the kitchen to grab some carrot sticks and when he was looking around the kitchen for something else he could eat and looking in the cupboards quietly he tripped over one of Dudley's new toys and while falling he covered his mouth as to not let Vernon or Dudley think he was messing around (the T.V is too loud for them to hear him trip, but if he yelled out when he fell then they would have) When he was falling though, one of the french baguettes Petunia had made  
Flew towards him like a rocket, slowing his descent to the floor. He had safely landed on the floor without getting hurt or making a lot of noise, he knew he would get in trouble for the baguette getting  
deflated when he landed on it so it was not fluffy anymore and sense it was on the floor it probably would not taste very good if they did eat it, so he just put it back in the bowl it was in and went into his cupboard.  
At dinner that evening: *I hope they don't notice any difference with the baguette* Harry thought. Vernon: "Petunia! this food is delicious! what is it again?" Petunia: "It's just a simple soup and we're dipping slices of a French baguette that i got a recipe for from a show I watched on T.V" Dudley: "When can we have dessert?" Petunia: "In a few more minutes Dudley".  
So they have dinner (Harry got a slice of bread and a small bowl of soup) and a big dessert. Harry goes into his cupboard before he is asked, and they all went to sleep.


	2. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry remembers something from his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention in the last chapter that i do not own Harry potter, it belongs to JK Rowling, i only made this weird au that probably should not exist.

6 Years later…  
Harry went through the entrance to Diagon Alley and headed toward Gringotts Wizard Bank to pick up some galleons, he picked 50 of them out of his vault and was going to the shop area to get some things before he was going to go back to Hogwarts, he went to the pet store to get some treats for Hedwig and to Honeydukes for some candy a few hours after he started towards a fireplace so he could use the floo back to Hogwarts, on his way to the fireplace he noticed someone running around carrying a bunch of French baguettes, he remembered something from when he was younger.  
FLASHBACK

harry tripped over one of Dudleys toys and one of Petunias French baguettes flew towards him and slowed his descent

FLASHBACK END  
Harry gasped and ran the rest of the way to the fireplace and flooed to Hogwarts still wondering what happened, he went back into the dorms put away his stuff and gave Hedwig a treat. He then decided to lay down on his bed and eat some Bertie bots every flavor beans and got things like vomit, dog food, dirt and a few other terrible flavors. Luck just was not on his side today, Ron was down in the great hall playing chess with Dean Thomas and all the other Gryffindor’s were elsewhere so he was alone in the room, he decided eat some chocolate frogs and drink a cup of juice he had a house elf bring up, which somehow ended up instead of actually being juice was actually a pink hair color changing potion that tasted like juice, he went to bed without realizing his hair had turned pink.  
Harry woke up at 7 AM and got out of bed to get ready for the day, it was Sunday so there were no classes. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, looked in the mirror, and screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this better then the last chapter? I don't know.


	3. Pink Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first two days of having pink hair, and Harry actually thinks that he likes having pink hair more then not because of what he gets out of having it.

Harry’s POV  
The potion lasted for a week. A week with bright pink hair, Malfoy was laughing at me whenever we had classes together, but he got a detention whenever we had Transfiguration so that was a nice thing about it. Even Snape could not help but feel pity for me and let me have potions as a free period (though I think he only wanted an excuse for me to not be in his class).   
At the great hall on the first day with pink hair everyone stared at me, Malfoy was on the floor laughing like Voldemort does 6 years in the future when he thought I was dead. I just sat down on the bench with Ron and Hermione and ate my food then went to the common room after I finished to do some research on Nicholas Flamel and the Philosophers stone, then I went to bed. 

The day after that I went to the Great Hall and found that someone dyed all the food pink, Professor Quirrell ran out of the hall screaming and then Dumbledore slapped him with a French baguette and Quirrell was knocked out, everyone clapped while Dumbledore was making his way back up to the staff tables to finish the announcements. We finished breakfast and went on to our classes, first was Transfiguration which I did not expect much from other then more laughter but instead everyone but Malfoy just glanced at me for a second then actually payed attention to the class. Malfoy, was laughing under his breath but Professor McGonagall noticed and gave him a detention for distracting the class. Then there was potions, which I was just about to walk in and Snape came out of the room and told me to go back to the Gryffindor common room and just stay away from him, I was perfectly glad to go back to the common room and sleep until the next class. 

Nobody came to woke me up and I woke up when dinner was starting and Ron wondered where I was so he came up to the common room and noticed that I just barely waking up and had not even gotten my glasses on, he yelled at me about the fact that I got to skip the classes and he did not but then he told me that dinner was starting and that I just had to come and see what happened. I followed him down to the Great Hall and found that all of Gryffindor other than a small few (Hermione, Fred and George, Neville and Ginny despite the fact that it was first year and she was not even 11 yet), I burst out laughing and walked out of the Great Hall without even grabbing any food. I went back into the Gryffindor common room and called for a house elf and had them bring me up a small chicken with herbs, potatoes, and a French baguette and then I ate and went to sleep while the people in the Great Hall were talking about how they think I am slowly going crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be continued on for the last few days of the week in the story so that it covers the nonsense that happened over time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Third day of pink hair.

Harry’s POV  
Today was my third day of having pink hair, I do not know when the potion will wear off or if it will. Snape is not willing to work on it because of reasons I don’t know (it may have to do with the fact that he wants an excuse to keep me out of his class), so I have to find someone else to make the potion to fix this.

I just had a perfect idea, chances are Snape already has a potion to turn hair back to normal after being dyed or changed with a potion like what happened to me so all I need to do is break into his office where he keeps all his potions and steal one from him.   
My plan is that at about 7 PM I am going to sneak down into the dungeons with my invisibility cloak and stalk Snape after classes end because everyone knows that he always brings the potions that me and the other students made to his office (at least, the usable ones) at the end of the day, but he also keeps a spell on it that we cannot open even with Alohomora, so I have to follow him into his office so I can get the potion. I will get in there, wait for Snape to leave and find the potion out of the hundreds he probably has and run out.  
TIME SKIP  
It’s 7 PM now, after my last class (which todays classes happen to for some reason end at 6:40 PM) I put on my invisibility cloak and make my way to the potions classroom, I get to the classroom and Snape is in there cleaning all of the last classes messes.   
I wait for him to leave and I follow him into the office, when I get into the office I spot a shelf full of potions and one of the shelves say something about hair dye potions and cures! I run towards it forgetting that I need to actually be quiet so I can actually succeed in getting it but I am too excited. Snape hears something running towards the shelf and sends a Stupefy at me, I immediately get knocked out.  
I wake up in the Gryffindor common room and Ron is next to my bed questioning me on what the heck I was doing in Snapes office, I feel stupid and yell at him that I want to turn my hair back to normal and asking what kind of answer he expected. Ron tells me that he thought I liked my pink hair because I not only was able to skip potions but was also the most popular person in the school.  
I tell him that I like my pink hair BUT only because I am able to skip potions, no other reason. I hate popularity! Heck, I’m already the most popular kid in the school! I’m Harry Potter! Everyone knows me! And it’s annoying because only a few people actually know me so some people actually think I like being swarmed with fans, I just want to live my life like a normal wizard.  
TIME SKIP  
I have decided that I am NOT going to use a potion to fix this and I’m just going to use this as a reason to troll everyone. No matter their school house. No matter the person. I am going to troll EVERYONE.

For my first prank, I am going to turn everyone’s hair insanely fluffy other than a few people, specifically not Dumbledore’s, Malfoys, Hermione’s (as her hair is already pretty fluffy), and Hagrid’s. To do this I am going to make a potion and ask the House Elves to put it in everyone’s food but the ones I listed. But this will take a day, so I’m going to start the potion and it will be done tomorrow so I can wake up early tomorrow and give the potion to the elves so tomorrow will be a long day of pranks and random shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There goes the third day, 4 more days until the potion wears off.


	5. When Harry loses his mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry got the house elves to make the potion, they unknowingly make a mistake and Harry thinks it went better then he hoped because of it.

Harry woke up the next morning (earlier than anyone else), looked around the boys’ dormitory, got up and went downstairs to the common room and called for a house elf to check on how the potion was, the house elf said it was going good and would be done by breakfast harry said: “Good, make sure to put it in everyone’s food but mine, I’m already weird enough as it is” the house elf then ran off to help the others finish the potion.  
Harry just wanted food, he had not been able to go back to sleep after the house elf left so he was just sitting on the couch next to the fireplace in the common room, everyone else was still asleep so he was getting bored, Maybe I should go grab a book, the library should be open Harry thought, getting up from the couch and starting to go to the library.  
At the Library a few hours later  
Harry looked at the clock and realized that it was about the time that people would be headed to the great hall for breakfast and the morning announcements, sighing, he put his book back and headed to the great hall, running past a few students in his haste to see if the potion would work. Harry got to the Great hall before anyone had started eating, people were still walking into the great hall so breakfast had not officially started yet, so he decided he would just sit down and wait for it to start and see how it panned out.  
Harry was quickly serving himself some food so that he could watch his classmates and see how the potion would affect them, he slowly started eating while keeping an eye on the others. After a few moments Harry could hear gasps and Malfoy laughing as the potion started taking effect, he could see as Ron’s hair started getting fluffier, it looked like a Pomeranians fur, but fluffier, it was not as curly as Harry wanted but it still was worth it.  
At some point Ron yelled at Malfoy because Malfoys hair looked normal and his didn’t. Ron said: “Why do you have normal hair and I don’t? who would curse me and not you?!” Ron pulls out his wand “Petrificus Totalus!” Draco then froze in his spot on the bench and Snape runs up to Ron grabbing his arm Snape: “How dare you cast a spell on another student! Detention for a month in my classroom Mr. Weasley, and I will be sending an owl to your parents” Snape then let Ron’s arm go and left the Great Hall, Ron groaned as he walked back to the Gryffindor table (Leaving Malfoy frozen) Ron: “I can’t believe he gave me a month long detention! Snape did not even bother helping Malfoy, I think he just wanted an excuse to give me a detention.”   
Harry: “Well, I think you deserve it, it’s not his fault that he did not get effected by whatever caused everyone to get fluffy hair.”  
“B-but he was laughing at us Harry!”  
“You still deserve a detention, you casted a spell on him! Besides everyone having fluffy hair is pretty funny, I can’t blame him for laughing at you and the others”  
Ron: “Well I guess I can’t fight against that, but Malfoy should have at least gotten a detention to!”   
Having finished eating his breakfast Ron stormed out of the Great Hall slamming the door behind him   
A FEW HOURS LATER  
Harry groaned impatiently, waiting for Charms to start. He had left the Great Hall as breakfast had ended and he was listening to people passing him as they talked about what happened and about why some people were not affected by whatever caused their hair to be fluffy, theories were already going around about how maybe it was caused by some magical force that only gave people who had sinned fluffy hair. But that would not make sense as most people were pretty sure Neville never did anything wrong, so that theory was blotched out from the possibilities. Then there was the Theory that Harry, Hagrid, Hermione, Malfoy and Dumbledore were demigods and that their parents were trying to make the wrongdoers pay for whatever they did wrong, it was a possibility but highly unlikely as Harry’s parents were probably not gods. Hagrids parents, considering his mother was a giantess, it’s probably not too high of a guess that maybe his father was a god, but most people are fairly sure that that is not the case. Dumbledore is probably not a demigod, if anything he may be a god considering his power but still, probably not the case. We were the only people that would probably have a chance of being gods/demigods out of the few people who were not affected by the potion.  
Harry was laughing hysterically in the hallways as he wandered the castle, classes were over and the theories of what could have happened were getting weirder and weirder, considering what the first few Harry heard were about it’s curious how weird they could get. Like how maybe they were immune to it, like how Harry was able to live through Avada Kedavra, but that would not make sense as his mother’s love was what caused him to live through that (not that many of his classmates knew that but still).   
There was a big difference between living through a deadly curse and not being effected by a potion that caused most of them to get insanely fluffy hair, even Filches cat was effected, Mrs. Norris looked more like a Pomeranian then anyone but nobody seems to care what filch thinks as the person he would have gone to blame was Dumbledore but he decided that he would just stay at home as his hair, unlike normal, was really fluffy, sort of like that classical look in cartoons when they get wet and dry out, so it looked like he put a fork in a toaster.  
Harry could not wait until tomorrow, while the potions effects would have ended, it would be pretty funny in the morning because it only lasted a day and his classmates would go crazy wondering why and how it happened. Harry is still planning his next prank, this one was a big success and he could not wait until his next one.


	6. Chapter 6

When Harry woke up the next morning he was surprised to see that everyone was still asleep.

Surely, he thought as he started getting ready, they should be awake already?

Why was everyone still asleep?

He was walking down to the Great Hall when of all people Professor Snape stormed out of the Great Hall with pink hair.

That is when Harry decided to finally grab a fringe of his hair to see that his hair was back to its normal shade of black.

Merlins beard! Harry thought, why is Snape’s hair pink?

Walking into the Great Hall everyone turned their heads to look at him, Ron started clapping and everyone else but Slytherin joined him.

“Hey! Great job on that!” Ron said to Harry, Harry just looked at him incredulously, “What did I do?” he asked, “You dyed Snape’s hair pink of course!”

When did I do that? Harry thought, why would I?

“Ron! Snape’s a teacher! Harry, did you really do it?” Hermione asked.

“No, I only just woke up, why did you guys not wake me up anyway?” Harry said confused, “Well we thought you would wake up eventually so why help you when you probably don’t need it.” Ron replied.

Harry just stared, swallowing his mouthful of bacon.

“Why would you think that?” he questioned, “Well we just did not think, we just did it.” Ron said, and that was that.

Weird things were happening today, first Snape had pink hair and his was normal and then just a few minutes ago Harry saw Ms. Norris walking around calmly on her back legs, as though she was a human, she also had polka-dot fur rather than her normal colored fur.

Harry was almost completely sure this was a dream, for what else could it be?

When Harry walked into the transfiguration classroom he saw a Chihuahua on Professor McGonagall’s desk instead of the normal tabby cat, and she was pissed.  
After turning back into her human form she ranted about how someone had turned her into a Chihuahua and set a certain amount of time she would be it, and that amount of time was specifically right when her class was supposed to start.

 

Harry was hiding.

When Harry got to potions Professor Snape snapped his attention to him, instantly gaining a look of pure hatred.

He thought Harry had done this.  
And Harry was going to pay for it.

So Harry decided he would go hide in the girls bathroom, specifically Myrtles bathroom because nobody would follow him there, even a hate-filled Snape.  
He decided he would go down to the Chamber.

Maybe getting Snape some basilisk skin and other things from the chamber that would be useful in potions would make him not want to kill him? Harry thought.  
Gathering the items Harry looked into the corner, seeing a snake egg.

Now why would that be there? Harry thought, unless it’s a basilisk?

Harry looked the other way to get it out of his sight, denying it existed because he knew he would want to take it back into his dorm and find out how to get it to hatch.

Harry vanished what he got to the dorms in bags and started out of the chamber with one last glance at the egg.

Before he got to the great Snape came barging in through a random classroom door and marched towards Harry quickly, “Stupefy!” Snape hissed.  
Harry sprang up from his bed, looking around wildly.

What the hell? Harry thought, grabbing a fringe of his hair, finding it still as pink as it was before.


	7. Chapter 7

‘What kind of dream was that?’ Harry thought, weirded out, ‘When have I ever had a normal dream? It’s only ever Mom getting killed and whatever Voldemort is doing’.  
Crawling out of his bed he went down to the common room to see that only a few people were there, everyone else were either down in the Great Hall or still asleep.  
Hermione was reading the sixth years potion book for the fifth time in front of the fireplace, while Ron was just sleeping in a chair for whatever reason, Harry walked up to Ron and poked him in the shoulder lightly, “W-why?” Ron mumbled grumpily, eyes drooping, “I’m awake!” he said, clearly not.

“We’re going to be late for quidditch practice!” Harry said seriously, keeping a smirk off his face just barely.

“W-what? I could’ve sworn that was supposed to be next week…” Ron said, almost going back to sleep, dragging off the last word sleepily, Harry poked him again, Ron got up from the chair and stumbled towards the common room door before falling to the floor, barely keeping himself from hitting the floor with his head.

 

“R-ron? Are you okay?” Harry asked hesitantly, getting no answers.

 

Deciding he was not going to get an answer, as he heard Ron start to snore, he started down the stairs before hearing a surprised gasp from Hermione when she saw Ron, snickering, Harry continued down the stairs and walked to the Great Hall.

There were only a fair few amount of other students in the Great Hall, including Draco, Dean, Ginny, and a few others.

Harry started serving himself food when he noticed Professor Snape, up in the Professors tables, looking at him for a moment wondering why he even had a dream about him having pink hair.

Snape looked at Harry, not with the usual glare, questioningly, before Harry realized he had been caught staring and turning his head back to his food.

Snape was confused, Potter was not acting like his normal Gryffindorish self, more secretive than normal, Potter had also been doing much better in potions, and from what he had heard, in almost every other class too!

Why the sudden improvement? Had he been pretending to not be as smart as he really was, or was he cheating?

Snape thought that without a doubt Potter was cheating.

Harry had taken a liking to reading, he had never realized how nice they were, he had occasionally read in his cupboard because there was never that much to do when he was stuck in there, but he never realized how interesting wizard books were, he had finally finished the books he had not previously read, like year one potions and charms, he never really liked charms though so he was much slower in reading it than potions, which only took him less then a day to finish when only counting the time he actually spent reading it, but as he had been busy lately it took longer than it should have.

Harry had also went searching in the library in the chamber and found a book about basilisks and their care in parseltongue, there was very little on how to get one to watch or find out if an unhatched basilisk was even alive in the egg.

Harry had taken to just staying in the room with the basilisk egg, he had moved them into the classroom in the chamber to keep track of its progress, he knew it had to be at least two years old, as he had killed the adult that had lived there two years ago, he found out that they could hatch any time from 6 months to three years, despite how shocked he had been when he had found that out.

So Harry had decided to keep a close eye on the egg and try to make it so that it had the best chance to hatch, keeping it warm enough and not too close to anything that could break it open.

 

By the end of the week Harry had found out many new things and gradually lost the pink hue to his hair.  
Pulling one last prank before his pink hair was gone for good, he decided to repay the favor by having a house elf add enough of the potion that turned his hair pink to everyone else’s food, making everyone else’s hair pink.

Including Snape’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... end of whatever this was that I have created, I may make a sequel at some point, as despite how bad this fic started, and still is (probably, though i may just be thinking it's worse, but the start was certainly not too good) I have ideas for it, and i'd want to add something about the basilisk more then what has happened already.


End file.
